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UNCENSORED

Date: 11-Jun-2017

UNCENSORED

 

          Perturbed and disturbed by the uprising of self appointed parallel censor boards of religious affiliations,the original censor board convened a meeting which was covered, rather uncovered, by our sting journalist,  codenamed ‘The Bee’.

            Keeping in mind and fed up with the present histrionic show going on outside the theatres to curb the histrionic show going on inside the theatres, it was decided to cleanse the system in a retrograde way. All the ethnic, minority and holier-than-thou groups were asked to submit their memoranda, objections and threats in writing so as to take the inflammatory sting out of the intended backslap comedy. “We must keep religion out of entertainment as we have kept it out of politics” was the motto adopted with poker face.

            First objection in the file was against mother of all hippie songs ‘hare Rama hare Krishna’  -what the good Lords got to do with charas and smoking pipes? Next on the axe block was ‘jai jai Shiv Shankar’ –again why mix bodily intoxications with spiritual ones? Other strong worded application was against a hero masquerading as a priest and singing ‘Amar Akbar Anthony’. And how can any one in his religious righteousness compare a girl with a lamp in a temple – ‘Ik ladki ko dekha tau aisa laga’ ? Thickest file pertaining to one single particular instance was against ‘beshaque mandir masjid todo’ . And of course a place of worship can not double as a sanctuary for love birds, so why songs like – ‘mein tujh se milne ayee,mandir jaane ke bahane’ and ‘chal baithen church ke peechhe’ ?  What about a release in the recent past where do gooders attack baddies with acid named after a holy water from a holy river?

            After uncut and uncensored, lengthy, threadbare, transparent, see through and steamy deliberations over the issue and considering frequent demands of apology from an authority for sinful acts committed decades ago by the ancestors of the present incumbent, it was decided to remove all anomaly starting with days of  black and white and silent movies.

            Next it was the turn to listen to the explanation of film producers, directors and actors to present their side of “behind the scene thought process”. They came out with“Religion as we understood was about tolerance, a protagonist of doing good things, preacher of universal love, brotherhood, humanity, respect for others and more and more about deeds of a person rather than physical appearances and boundaries. For us ‘mazhab nahin sikhata,aapas mein bair rakhna’ is the dictum. But we are ready to abide by whatever laws you frame.”

            Needless to say,censor board was left speechless. But then to keep the feathers of religious hawks unruffled, it was decided to add one more category for certification-“CG” – under children guidance- for productions which have religious touch,adults with construed thought process should watch movies under the guidance of children who have purer mind, more tolerance and affection for each other.

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